Number two: they are careless and irresponsible with money. They are often careless and irresponsible with their money as a form of addiction. They make impulsive purchases, spend money on things they do not use, and have trouble managing their money well. Spending carelessly gives them a sense of control. The more they spend, the better they feel about themselves in terms of power and the capability to make things move. They don’t care about budgets and expenses and spend far beyond their limits. Like a kid who has money to buy a shiny toy, they buy whatever the next thing is, get a high out of spending, and never look at it again. Due to the lack of a moral compass and a proper inner guidance system, they engage in illegal activities like fraud or embezzlement to get money for their never-ending desires without caring about the consequences.
They Are Hypocritical and Use Money to Control You
Number three: they are hypocritical and use money to control you. Narcissism and hypocrisy go hand in hand. Most narcissists believe the rules do not apply to them, despite being eager to apply them to everyone else. This holds true for a wide range of regulations, including budgets. A narcissistic partner may spend lavishly on themselves but not a penny on you, or they may blow your combined budget and then criticize you for spending more than required. They may scrutinize you for every penny earned and spent but won’t share a single detail about their finances. You may be living with them for years and not have an idea of how much they earn, how much they have in their savings, what their investments look like, or what they do with their money. Did you experience this? Drop your answers below and help other survivors feel validated.
They may want to take most of what you earn in the name of spending but never give anything back. You may not even remember the last thing they bought for you. On the other hand, they may overly spend on you, buy you gifts, and take you to expensive places to keep you confused, controlled, and stuck in the relationship. I call it “gift bombing,” a form of love bombing that mostly happens at the beginning of the relationship. Another way they utilize money for control is by taking away your financial independence and making you beg for basic things. Quite the opposite of being an overspender, they may be the biggest miser you know of. How was your financial relationship with the narcissist? Did they spend, overspend, or underspend on you? Let me know in the comments below.
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