4. “I don’t think it is the way it is.”
When you say, “I don’t think it is the way it is; I see it differently,” what you’re seeing may be six to you, but from my perspective, it is nine. In healthy relationships, this kind of difference is celebrated; it’s given space because there has to be some kind of diversity for you to be able to enjoy each other. If you think the same way, if you act the same way, then that makes you a robot; there’s no newness, there is no space for creativity. If no space is given to think differently, but a narcissist wants you to conform to their reality, to reinforce it, so that they can feel they’re right, they have to be right in all situations, they have to get that kind of validation.
But when you say, “No, I don’t see it the way you see it,” they get triggered. When you say, “I appreciate your views about that, but I don’t see it that way,” what they hear is, “I am telling you you’re wrong; no, only I am right, you’re wrong.” They think in black and white, as you already know, and then they turn it into a conflict instead of agreeing to disagree.
This is crazy; you can never have a match or conversation with a narcissist. Either you have to control them and have the upper hand, which is almost impossible in every situation, or you have to be subservient, you have to be compliant, you have to give in and turn yourself into somebody who is nothing but an adapter, adaptation to the narcissist’s abuse, who just agrees, says yes, never says no, never expresses their emotions, keeps their mouth shut, and so on. So basically, they want a puppet, a doll, a toy, not a human being.
The Evil Witch | Narcissist’s Mother | Don’t seek her Support
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