So, what ways do they torture you after that? If they are physically abusive, they will hit you, as I was hit by my father. If they’re not physically abusive, they’ll pass on a comment, really uncalled for. They’ll say something like, “Why are you laughing like a [derogatory term],” which is a very derogatory term to use and is very humiliating. It confuses you; it’s wrong. I mean, I was just laughing; why would you say that? Then comes the argument; they make it about themselves. You know how the story goes; eventually, at the end of it, you find yourself crying. You pay ten times more than the joy that laughter gave you. It’s really expensive to be happy when around a narcissist.
When this thing keeps happening again and again over years, it shapes your personality. If not permanently, strongly alters your reality, and you become emotionally less expressive. Or you easily dissociate from your emotion, or you can easily numb it down or become unaware of what is actually going on in your body. For these reasons, I say, and practically I have done it, your first step towards healing after narcissistic abuse, towards healing from complex trauma caused by abuse, is becoming aware of your own body, of different sensations. The narcissist, by that I mean the narcissist who hurt you, did you the maximum damage by disconnecting you from your authentic self. It expresses itself through the sensations, through the emotions, basically through the intuition that you feel in there.
So, you have to get in there, not stay here. They have made you a prisoner of your thoughts, of that rumination. Get out of it, please. Start laughing again!
If your laughter was stolen by the narcissist, today I request you to give yourself the permission to start laughing again because it’s a drop on your face; it’s a gift you were always supposed to have. But this man, this woman came into your life and stole it away, which is unfair; it shouldn’t have happened. It happened, but now that you are healing, you’re trying to move on, you have gone no contact, give yourself permission to express yourself, to express your joy, laugh out loud. Don’t worry about how it is perceived, what will people think. Of course, be respectful; you know what I mean. But just let it come out.
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