When you are around a narcissist for a long time and they abuse you, you forget to laugh and smile because they steal your joy. They give you no space to express your emotions or show who you are as a person. They keep belittling you, humiliating you, shaming, and blaming you every single time you express a natural human emotion. They force you to become robotic, and the time comes in your life where you feel like you have turned into this reduced, smaller version of yourself. They target you heavily when you laugh; it’s as if they can’t see you laughing because they can’t experience a belly-aching laughter. It irks them, and it makes them feel jealous of you. That is what we are going to talk about in today’s episode.
A narcissist is a coward. A narcissist is essentially a coward because they run away from their emotions all the time. That’s the reason why they control their environment so rigidly. Everybody has to be stoic; nobody can show the human weaker side to themselves because that makes the narcissist feel really uncomfortable. Why? Because it reminds them of who they really were, of that part they have suppressed or un-lived a long time ago. The same applies to all situations when they see people, especially their close victims, laughing wholeheartedly. They can’t stand it; they can’t face it. It irks them; it makes them quite reactive. How do I know that? That is what I have experienced all my life.
I call my father a monster, and I think I’m right in calling him so. When we were children, I’ll talk about my experiences. We were not allowed to laugh loudly or be more expressive in emotion. Everything had to be suppressed, be it crying or laughing; nobody could move a muscle on their face, nothing. It’s as if you had to be robotic because if you showed any emotion, that would make him go crazy and lose it, becoming really rageful. If, by any chance, let’s say you lost it and laughed out loud because you’re a human being, you did something silly or somebody did something silly, and now you’re laughing, he would physically abuse you right in that moment and would cross all the limits to give you a reason to cry instead of laughing.
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