To a narcissist, you are like tempered glass. You protect them from dust and dirt; you protect them from breaking. You take all the damage; you take all the stress. But the narcissist doesn’t look at the function you play in their life; they don’t notice how much you offer them, how you keep them safe. What they look at after a while is the dust and dirt, and they say, “Oh, it looks quite shabby. I need to remove it from my life. It is the obstacle; it is bad.” And when devaluing you, what they essentially do is they throw you away like that. And then they are like, “Oh wow, see my life is fine, my life is okay, I can see everything very clearly,” only to collapse later because now there is no barrier, there is no protector. That is when they start missing you really badly. Let’s talk more about it in today’s episode.
When you are in a narcissist’s life, you protect them; you’re like a shield to them. In the context of a romantic relationship or marriage, you cook, clean, wash their clothes, raise children, go out, and earn. You take things very seriously because you want to cut them a little slack, you want to give them the freedom you yourself do not have. You take all the burdens; you say, “Okay, don’t worry, honey, I’ll do that, I’ll do this,” with one hope in your heart: maybe that will change this person, maybe that will bring them back to life, maybe then they will start loving me. You take all the damage on yourself, as I gave you the example in the beginning; you act like the tempered glass, you break but prevent them from breaking.
What do they do in return? They take you for granted. And no matter how much you do for them, they keep exploiting you and keep asking for more. They do not stop there; they keep finding minor flaws in you. “Oh, you’re not doing this, you’re not doing that, and you don’t know how to cook, and you are earning less than so and so.” You know what I’m talking about; it’s always like a moving goal, a moving target. You may exhaust your entire life trying to please them, but it’s guaranteed you will fail since their void has no bottom, it’s a bottomless pit. No matter how much you pour into it, it’s still never enough. So all of that is taken out on you, as known to you already. There is no reciprocity whatsoever; they don’t care about your needs, they don’t care about your wants, desires, anything at all. They keep devaluing you until the day of discard comes, either when you leave them, they make you leave them, or when they leave you.
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