Narcissists, however, need to dominate social situations. Furthermore, they need to manufacture and sustain an impression of invincibility, regardless of how illusory it may be. A destructive narcissist will eventually find your strength and power to be a major source of conflict. Depending on the specifics, it may become immediately apparent—sometimes right away, and other times it takes longer to become an obvious problem in the couple’s dynamic. You’ll feel a genuine change in the air when that time comes. Your strength and personal power may cause a covert narcissist to feel fear, envy, and insecurity, but they may be able to keep it a secret for a while. A more blatant narcissist can flip from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde in an instant, and as a result, they probably won’t be able to keep their triggers and ego wounds hidden for long.
All narcissists are dishonest and cunning, but covert ones are especially so, in my opinion and observation. Remember that narcissists thrive when they have power and influence over others, as long as their wants and needs are addressed. But be on the watch if and when that changes. When you’re not giving in to their demands, when it’s evident that they’re not in charge, when you refuse to do what they want, or if, heaven forbid, you somehow manage to outshine them or embarrass them, something that has nothing to do with you causes a hit to their ego, sometimes a significant one. This is their issue, not yours.
If they’re unable to manipulate, dominate, or control you—such as by gaslighting you into submission, humility, or feelings of inferiority—they will have to resort to more subtle and less obvious methods of attacking you, which can be just as damaging. A narcissist will feel frightened by you if they’re unable to exert power over you, and when you make them feel threatened, they’ll react in the only manner they know how: to protect their fragile self from you. This usually entails making efforts to manage others’ impressions and emotions about you preemptively. They will try to discredit, degrade, and demean you in every way they can.
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