In other cases, you might witness the vulnerable victimization often seen in narcissism. The narcissist may say, “Oh, woe is me! Everything goes your way; I guess you won’t need me anymore. My life has just been so unlucky. Things come easily to you, while I always have to work hard for everything I get.”
You may also experience abandonment, where they want to leave the relationship or imply that it might not work because you will be too busy with your new job. They might resort to revenge tactics, such as a smear campaign by a tyrannical boss who tries to badmouth you or your new endeavor, or they may withhold information you need, actively trying to sabotage you.
Healing in these relationships is about crawling out of the subjugated space you had to occupy to keep the relationship going—silencing yourself, making yourself smaller, clipping your own wings, and not developing your autonomy. However, healing also means that as you individuate, you may incur the wrath, displeasure, or outright abandonment from the narcissist. Your growth is something a narcissistic person cannot tolerate, especially since it threatens their power and control.
When you slowly slip out of their control, you become an object of contempt. You stop being their supply and become a headache. They want to put you back in your subjugated place, in service of their ego, rather than allowing you to grow as an individual.
Narcissistic people do not like relationships they cannot control, which is often why they seek leadership positions. This desire for control can manifest in roles ranging from shift manager at a fast-food restaurant to CEO of a corporation. It’s all about control, whether on a small scale or a large scale.
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