They turn you into someone who keeps everything moving smoothly. Probably you have eldest child syndrome as well, especially if you were the eldest and had to raise your younger siblings. You may be a man and might have had to do something like that too. They burden you with their responsibility. You had to be there for them, and they did whatever they had to do, freeing their schedule at your expense. You are the manager, doing everything from pet sitting to babysitting, cleaning, and cooking. Whether or not you were ready to do it was not the question. The question was, “I created you, so you’re obliged to do it because I ask you to do it.” No gray areas whatsoever.
They turn you into their secret keeper, someone they talk to about things they should discuss with someone else, like an adult, therapist, or doctor. No, they will come to you and talk about the other parent, gossip, and you may not know what to do with that information. You feel obligated to fix them or listen and absorb their pain. My mother did that all the time, instigating me against my father every single day. She wasn’t lying; it was true and happening in front of my eyes. But the problem arose when she chose his side at the end. When push came to shove, she took his side and clearly showed they were together, and I was the outsider.
Number Five: They Display Affection Toward Other People’s Children but Not You
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