Number One: When asked for assistance.
A narcissist will happily help strangers over helping you. They will lend a helping hand to people they don’t know. “Oh, do you need help with that? Take my credit card since yours isn’t working. It’s all on me.” They will help their side of the family but abandon you when you need them the most. Is it because you don’t deserve their help or because there’s something wrong with you? Of course not. Helping you doesn’t benefit them in any way; it doesn’t gratify their ego the way helping strangers does. So why would they assist you in any way? You are seen as a liability and a burden they want to use but not maintain.
If you express your needs and say, “I need your help with our kids; it’s getting too much for me. I can’t help them with their homework, cook, and earn money. I am a human being like you, and I get tired,” they will pull out a mental list of all the things they do and accuse you of nagging and complaining. Nothing is ever enough for you, they will claim. They’ll put you down, refuse to change, and call you too demanding or too sensitive. “I don’t know what you want from me. I’m already so tired. I was just relaxing, and you are always after my time. You want to ruin my quality time.” That’s your problem, not theirs.
However, the same narcissist will run to help when receiving a call from their mother, brother, or any stranger they want to impress. They want to appear like a great person, an altruistic man or woman. Simply put, they don’t like to help you because they are extremely selfish, self-centered, and self-absorbed.
Number Two: When you try to hold them accountable.
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