Believe it or not, these ridiculous maneuvers can be very successful if you are naive to the fact that they play these games. Next, they may attempt to spin the reality into a narrative that portrays them as the victim. So if they can’t make themselves the hero or are unsuccessful at doing so, now here comes one big pity party and a revision of history that makes them not the perpetrator—as you saw with your own eyes—but now they are claiming they are the truly injured party. They may say they were a target of unfair persecution or that they were forced into their actions. Someone tricked them, pushed them, or misunderstood them. For example, they may say things like, “This is a witch hunt,” “People are just out to get me,” or “I was set up; they wanted to see me fail.” They might say, “No one ever gives me the benefit of the doubt,” trying to make you feel guilty for the conclusion you came to. So now, not only are you wrong, but you’re at fault too, because you jumped to conclusions and unfairly accused them of doing something they aren’t really guilty of.
Next, they may try to convince you that they are actually the martyr of the story. This is when the narcissist leans into self-pity as a shield. Instead of owning their wrongdoing, they act as if they are the ones suffering the most from the situation. They might say things like, “I guess no one cares about all the good things I’ve done,” or “Fine, I’ll just be the bad guy if that’s what people want.” They might also say, “I’ve sacrificed so much, and this is the thanks I get.” Again, more guilt-producing statements directed at you and a complete deflection of accountability.
At no point in the entire process does the narcissist genuinely reflect on the pain they’ve caused. Instead, they are laser-focused on reshaping the narrative into something that absolves them of blame while securing sympathy, support, or even admiration. If you are naive to these tricks and games, or if you are under the impression you are dealing with a person who thinks and feels like yourself, it’s crazy how successful these tactics can be and how easily they can manipulate people into actually buying into this ridiculous revision of history.
continue reading on the next page
Sharing is caring!
