The first thing narcissists want during the holidays is control over your emotional state. Isn’t it true that during special occasions, everyone—even difficult people—strives to be their best and feel happier than they normally do? It’s almost like they put forth extra effort to do so. Narcissists are not like that. After all, who is anyone to tell them how they’re supposed to feel? It’s on their terms, with their own feelings. They want your feelings to be on their terms as well, and their goal is to have the power to change your emotional state.
For example, if you’re feeling depressed and down, and you’re not expecting to have a good time during the holidays, that’s no fun for a covert narcissist. They might try to rope you back into hoping that things will be different this year. They might point out, “Why are you so upset? Why aren’t you having a good time because of this special occasion?” When you bring up all the bad things from the past, they might twist it and say, “You’re being so negative! You’re looking at the past and not letting me grow.” They continue until you’re left questioning yourself—thinking maybe you are judging the present and future based on the past, and perhaps this year will be different.
There’s nothing a covert narcissist enjoys more than deflating your emotions like a balloon. They inflate your hopes and then pop them. It doesn’t make sense, right? Healthy people don’t behave like this. But with a narcissist, they get their narcissistic supply from having power and control over your emotions.
If you’re already happy and hoping this year will be different, they will do everything in their power to make you feel deflated and miserable again. The ability to control your emotions is their motive. If you’re down, they want you up so they can bring you down again. If you’re already up, they want the power to bring you down, which is really sad.
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