One thing a narcissist hates more than anything is rejection. The mere act of rejecting a narcissist can send them into a downward spiral. They will feel out of control if this happens. If you reject them and then decide on cold-turkey no contact, then the narcissist will feel the need to hoover more. This may make them show up at your work or house to try to win you back. A narcissist hoovering after no contact is usually very persistent and charming. When they are pushed away and told they are no longer wanted, that will make them want to fill that void even more. When the narcissist hoovers, they may use guilt trips. In a non-aggressive way, they will turn it around on the other person and try to convince them that they are the reason for the relationship failing. They will also mention how rejected they felt and how hurt they were, but they are willing to forgive the other person and move on from the situation. With the right victim, this can truly work, and the victim is sucked back into the toxic relationship. The narcissist realizes the cycle is back again and will continue to mentally abuse the victim. The victim will not even realize after a certain point that it is a vicious cycle that usually takes outside help to break out of. This does not mean all victims do not realize it on their own, but about 60 million people are affected by narcissistic abuse, and only a small number leave on their own.
Number 3: The victim is moving on.
What hurts more than anything is seeing your ex with someone else. This can tie into the point we made earlier about pride. It can really hurt someone’s pride watching their loved one fall in love with someone else. The narcissist may begin hoovering if they feel their partner is permanently detaching from them. If you decide to move on from your old toxic relationship and start something new, the narcissist will feel like they have lost, and they will begin hoovering after no contact. They may try showing up at your home or sending you pictures of old times when you two were happy to make you start remembering how you felt when you were with them. They may even begin to apologize for hurting you. They will do this to seem better than your new partner. This will show the victim that they are willing to apologize for their mistakes because they know that is exactly what the victim wants to hear. This hoovering tactic is widely used and sometimes very effective for the narcissist to get what they want. They may see it as a romantic gesture and believe the victim will appreciate it, and the victim may see it that way or interpret it as harassment. It depends on the victim and their perception of the relationship. The narcissist also knows that if they continuously butt into their ex’s new relationship, their significant other might get tired of it and leave their ex, making them feel rejected and alone and maybe even receptive to the narcissist’s wishes. By the way, make sure to subscribe if you’ve learned something new today.
Number 4: Control.
What Goes on in a Narcissist’s Mind When They Miss You
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