When a narcissistic person senses they are losing control over you, you can expect a litany of reactions. They may shift strategies, oscillating between vindictiveness, victimhood, and abandonment. It can be a painful realization and a difficult part of healing that your growth, advancement, and simply becoming yourself were never going to be allowed in this relationship. You may have suspected it, but when it really happens, you see it clearly.
Many people who are trauma-bonded in these relationships understand the implicit message: if you grow, they will leave. The fears accompanying this realization mean that many individuals in narcissistic relationships have shrunk themselves for years to make it work, knowing the narcissist will react with anger or abandonment if you dare to escape their controlling grip.
There is no room for two people’s realities in a narcissistic relationship. Always keep that in mind. These relationships function as long as they can dominate and control you, and once you challenge that dynamic, they cannot work. The short answer to that is: they will blow up or they will leave. However, the idea of facing their rage or abandonment is overwhelming for many people in a narcissistic relationship.
Even if it’s not intentional, you may find yourself holding back and not expanding to your full potential because of that fear. The narcissistic person will not allow you to escape their control, and you might feel too scared to see what will happen if you do.
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