They lose it, taking it personally: “How dare you? You disrespect my time. You do it all the time. Why weren’t you punctual? How could you do that? You are this, you are that.” And you ask, “What’s the big deal? I understand, I apologize, I didn’t do it intentionally, and we don’t have to go anywhere; we just have to stay at home.” They won’t forgive you for that at all. It will be used against you, especially if you have ADHD or are on the autism spectrum, where being punctual gets really difficult for some people. They may know this is your vulnerability, and you don’t do it intentionally. But because context and intentionality matter, they will still do the same thing until you fall apart and rage at them.
2. Turning Away and Avoiding Eye Contact
They turn their body away from you and avoid eye contact when you’re trying to have a conversation with them. Why? Because they are condescending, mocking you, or trying to convey that you’re not important. It’s a “talk to my hand” kind of situation. They’ll scroll through their phone, look at someone else, pet their cat, but not make eye contact. They’ll close off, with arms crossed, pretending to listen but not really listening at all. You may be crying, expressing your emotions, telling them why both of you need to work on the relationship and why things need to get better. You may try to warn them about the consequences you don’t want, and they won’t take any of it seriously. And when you finally get annoyed, saying, “Listen to me! Make eye contact! I’m not talking to a wall; you’re not a robot! What are you doing?” they’ll respond, “See, this is why I don’t talk to you. This is why I don’t want to have a conversation with you. Even when I am listening, you always have something to cry about, something to nag about.” But the abusive behavior they exhibited while looking away will never be addressed.
Why are Enablers More Dangerous Than Narcissists?
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