Contrary to popular belief, a narcissist’s life does not end with their collapse. It only changes because their old ways no longer work for them. For example, they’re no longer able to charm people, and they lack the strength to control others as easily as before. They change their approach by making desperate moves during the initial stages of collapse to regain control and strength.
What are these moves? Let’s find out in today’s episode.
Desperate Move #1: Regaining Lost Glory
The first desperate move is attempting to regain their lost glory. After collapsing, they may have lost everything, yet they still see themselves as a shining star. They desperately try to reclaim that status. For instance, they might have been a CEO, an HR leader, or someone who was highly respected in a company. Now that they’ve collapsed, they can’t easily get that same admiration. This shame drives them to seek out groups, offices, people, communities, cultures, or organizations where they might receive the same level of respect, where they might be worshipped and seen as an authority figure. They obsess over the idea of returning to their golden days when they were the alpha and omega, the beginning and the end of it all.
They continuously talk about it, dream about it, and ruminate on it. Their shame will remind them of how much they’ve failed, making them very agitated and difficult to deal with. Unfortunately, some do succeed in restoring their former glory, to some degree, by spending money. In today’s world, money can buy almost anything: people, attention, validation, admiration, and more. This is why they might join organizations or spend a lot of money to easily regain that status. Sometimes it feels like karma takes too long to catch up with them.
Some narcissists might join altruistic organizations, non-profit organizations, or religious groups, putting on a façade of being kind, compassionate, understanding, caring, and giving. They may appear to do good work, worship, or help others, but their true intention is to gain admiration and be seen as superior. They don’t want to be part of the group; they want to be revered above all others. They don’t worship God or do God’s work—they aim to surpass God, revealing their true nature as anti-God. They cling to the past, reminiscing about how great they were, but this non-acceptance of reality leads to their misery.
Desperate Move #2: Obsessing Over Looks
The second desperate move is an obsession with their appearance, leading to plastic surgeries, artificial looks, extreme dieting, and self-shaming. While many people, not just narcissists, may undergo cosmetic procedures or follow trends to look a certain way, in the case of a collapsed narcissist, this obsession is driven by their need for supply. They want to look younger, to appear the best at 50, or even look like they’re 20. They undergo major surgeries, often experimental ones, to achieve this.
While it’s not inherently bad to improve your looks, the context here is different. The narcissist’s changes are all about gaining supply. For example, a male narcissist might target younger women, deluding himself into believing that by being with someone younger, he too is youthful. The same applies to female narcissists who might date younger men or wealthy individuals to gain supply through association. Even in collapse, they continue to make moves to maintain their ego.
Desperate Move #3: Targeting Grandchildren
The third desperate move is targeting their grandchildren. Once a narcissist realizes that you see through them and no longer want anything to do with them, they may try to appear sweet, kind, and nice to your kids. This may make you feel guilty and think, “My kids deserve a relationship with their grandparents.” You may convince yourself that you can set boundaries and that everything will be fine. But this is a big mistake. The admiration and attention from grandchildren are like honey to a narcissist. Once they secure this new supply, they will eventually turn their bitterness and criticism toward the children as they grow up and develop their own personalities. This can cause massive shock to the kids.
Conclusion: The Ultimate End
You may ask, what is the actual end of all this? Unfortunately, the only real answer is death. While taking away their supply might cause them to suffer, they will still remain and continue to cause trouble. Death is the only solution to end their reign of harm, though it’s not for their sake, but for the sake of others.
With that, let’s bring this episode to an end. Thank you so much for listening. I will talk to you in the next one. Until then, as always, let the healing begin and continue.
