So what’s going on here when the toxic guy goes to the next partner? Often, it’s thrown in your face, maybe through your kids, or he’s channeling and communicating through them to get back at you, making you feel inadequate and worthless because he’s found the love of his life. It’s the most amazing thing ever, right? And that makes you feel awful. You may wonder, “What was wrong with me?” He’ll do this through the kids, social media, different friends, networks, events—he’ll showcase that he’s found the best person and that it wasn’t you.
All of this is another way to belittle you while locking the next person in. Do you see this? If he tells everyone this is the best person ever, if he shows her off as the love of his life, he’s creating a fantasy with her. Often, she will even tell others, “Yeah, this is the best person,” and when he starts changing, she won’t know how to say anything different, so she stays. Maybe just like you stayed, maybe just like the person before you stayed.
We see this cycle many times, where narcissists cycle through person after person. The hard part is that you’ll start to believe he’s defining your worth and value. He’s not. No one can actually define your worth and value. No human being on this planet can put a price tag on you.
Now, we get into this inside of insurance and health where they give you a value based on your life expectancy and physical health. But ultimately, your intrinsic worth and value—no man can actually put a price tag on that. But he does, because if he can make you feel less than, he’ll feel better about himself while you’re still struggling.
He’ll showcase that everything is perfect in his new relationship, making you feel like you’re not perfect, which is why he’s not with you. Many people look at this and think, “Why is he doing this stuff for her and not for me?” We have to take your value out of the equation because otherwise, you’ll base your worth on his actions.
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