But here’s where things get even darker: narcissists will often level with you. Well, not in a healthy sense of the word. What I mean by this is that they stop claiming they’re the only one in the wrong. Instead, they’ll start saying, “We’re both the same, aren’t we? You’re just as much of an abuser as I am.” Or they’ll twist it further: “I’m like this because of you. You made me act this way.” It’s a twisted tactic designed to make you feel guilty for their behavior, to get you questioning your role in this toxic dynamic.
But remember this: they need you. You’re their ideal supply, their punching bag. This is all just a way to make you stay, to make you doubt the reality of being with someone who has this disorder.
Now, what happens when the narcissist fully understands that you see them for who they are? When the game is over and they realize they can’t manipulate you back into that confused, gaslighted state? That’s when the real shame kicks in, and with that shame comes an explosion of narcissistic rage. You’ll witness things you never thought possible. Maybe they’ll file a restraining order against you, spread horrifying lies about you, making you wonder, “Who is this person? How can the person I’ve lived with for years—maybe even decades—turn into this stranger overnight?” It’s terrifying, disorienting, and painful. In some cases, the abuse will escalate to physical violence.
At this point, you need to protect yourself. Document everything, take every precaution, and get out. Do not stay in the same house with them. Don’t expose them while you’re still living under the same roof. Trust me on this: if you do, you’ll only make things worse. But once you’re safe, once you’ve left, then you can tell your story.
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