Finally, we’re down to number ten: they use public praise as a weapon. Narcissists don’t just enjoy public praise; they collect it like armor, ready to use it as a weapon whenever needed. Deborah Tannen, a linguist and communication expert, describes this as reputation leverage—the way manipulators use their public image to discredit anyone who challenges them. The more people admire them, the harder it is for their victims to be believed. So if their partner, child, or employee dares to speak out about the abuse, the narcissist doesn’t need to argue or defend themselves. They simply point to their glowing reputation and say, “Really? Everyone else thinks I’m amazing; maybe you’re the problem.” And just like that, the victim is left feeling isolated, doubting their reality.
This is why speaking out against a narcissist can feel like screaming into the void. No matter how much truth you tell, their fan club—friends, colleagues, even family—will rush to their defense. Joseph Burgo, author of The Narcissist You Know, calls this social gaslighting, a tactic where the narcissist makes you doubt yourself because everyone else sees them as good. The worst part is that the victim starts wondering if maybe they are overreacting. When the whole world is clapping for someone, it’s hard to be the only one pointing out the mask they’re wearing.
At the end of the day, a narcissist’s charm is just a mask to control how others see them. Behind closed doors, their true nature comes out. That’s why their loved ones see a side of them no one else believes exists. If you’ve noticed this, trust your gut; you’re not imagining it. The best way to protect yourself is to stop hoping they’ll change and see them for who they are.
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