So, what happens next? What happens when the narcissist’s facade crumbles, and the bottom falls out? The answer varies, depending on the narcissistic person. I’m using the public blowup example, but it may not always be a public meltdown. It could be a revelation that they mismanaged finances, led a double life, or lied about something that could ruin a business. Perhaps they had an affair that led to serious consequences, like their social circle finding out or the other partner getting pregnant. The shame of these revelations, coupled with the potential loss of significant “supply” (admiration, validation, control), is immense.
One of the most perplexing aspects of narcissism is their capacity to oscillate between charm and cruelty. Publicly, they seem like wonderful people, while privately, they are manipulative and angry. This ability to seek “supply” means they carefully curate how they present themselves to the world. For those raised in narcissistic families, the contrast is stark: the holiday cards and family portraits look picture-perfect, but those smiling faces hide a world of fear, sadness, and inauthenticity. This discrepancy is part of why it’s so difficult for people in these relationships to get the empathy, validation, and support they need.
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