Now, here’s where freedom begins: it is not your job to change a narcissist. That job belongs to God. You are not the healer of that heart. You are not the architect of that breakthrough. You are not the judge, not the savior, not the one who must drag truth into their soul. When you try to carry that burden, you place a weight on your shoulders that was never meant to be there. God works at a depth you can’t reach. God moves in places you’ll never see. While you are wearing yourself out in argument after argument, God is able to reach the level of conscience, spirit, and soul.
That doesn’t mean the narcissist will automatically change; free will is still real. But if change ever happens, it will begin at a level you can’t force with words. So what does that mean for you? Practically, it means this: you step back, not in weakness, but in wisdom. You stop trying to be the one who finally gets through. You stop explaining yourself to someone committed to misunderstanding you. You stop protecting the narcissist from the consequences of their actions by absorbing all the emotional damage yourself. You let reality do what reality does.
Scripture tells us that the eyes of God are everywhere, watching both the good and the wicked. Nothing is hidden: not the late-night arguments, not the quiet cruelty, not the subtle sabotage, not the public charm followed by private punishment. God has seen every moment that nobody else saw. When you step back, you are not abandoning justice; you are handing justice to the only one who can carry it well. Sometimes God’s work in the life of the narcissist begins with allowing consequences to finally land. As long as you keep cushioning every blow—explaining, fixing, covering, smoothing—you keep the narcissist’s life comfortable.
But when you step away from the role of protector and explainer, the narcissist finally meets the weight of their own choices. That’s uncomfortable for them and for you. It feels easier in the short term to keep the peace, to keep explaining, to keep trying. But real peace doesn’t grow out of denial; real peace grows where truth is allowed to stand. There’s an old story in Scripture about a stubborn ruler whose heart remained hard through warning after warning. Reason didn’t move that ruler; pleading didn’t move that ruler. Only a long, painful collision with reality finally broke that pride. The lesson still stands: where pride is deeply rooted, only the hand of God can reach the roots.
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