Consider what I’m saying: if you were dumped, why? What happened? If the narcissist stole everything from you, switched to the new supply, and left you behind, that’s true. Additionally, what did they do? They left you before the narcissist may have tried to hoover you occasionally. Do not accept a hoover. God bless you if you didn’t get hoovered—this shows you are strong, you are healing, and the narcissist has moved on.
Everything I’m sharing happened when you were discarded. Consider your lowest point. Maybe you went through the dark night of the soul, or perhaps you even considered doing things you never thought you would, but it was ironic that you found the needle in the haystack—learning, using tools, and contributing to the community. You lived another day to pay it forward. You are discovering that the relationship nearly destroyed you. It didn’t; it flopped, just like narcissists always do.
Yes, I’m repeating myself a few times in this video because I want you to understand that where you are now is different from where you were one year, two years, three years, four years, or five years ago. Today, life is dynamic; your energy shifts daily, weekly, and monthly. The more you drown out the narcissist and reduce the toxicity of these relationships, the stronger you will become. If you were caught in the trauma bond, you must break it and realize that no contact is the way. If you can’t avoid contact, use gray rock or be boring. However, note this—it never occurred to the narcissist that you would heal. They didn’t think you could heal because you weren’t strong enough. They believed you were weak and lost, without belief, energy, strength, money, or support. After all the damage they inflicted, they thought you’d never succeed.
If you failed, read between the lines. What would they do to launch themselves into the next relationship, and they would say you were too weak and that you were gone? So, every smear campaign they waged on you was true. I hope you grasp that message—the narcissist doesn’t want you to heal, now or in the future. They don’t want you to understand how toxic they are. Once you figured them out, you set boundaries; you no longer sought to please others, and you could say no—the strongest word in the English language.
Saying no, finding that needle in the haystack, and accepting that the relationship was a lifelong lesson—it was never a choice. If you’ve endured toxic relationships, know that you’ve emerged stronger by breaking the cycle of narcissistic abuse. You’ve proven your resilience, whether you’re thriving or still healing. Know that you’re not alone. Remember, the narcissist never expected you to heal, but here you are. Let this be the beginning of your healing journey. Thank you for watching, and I wish you all the best.
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