So, have you ever noticed that a narcissist is trying to mimic you? In the beginning, they start by mirroring your actions and behaviors, pretending to show you love and affection. It’s unsettling because they can even copy your strangest habits. Think about it: in a healthy relationship, people have their quirks and preferences that make them unique individuals. Yet the narcissist seems like a copycat version of you. I even used to call my ex a mirror of me. However, this fake intimacy is short-lived, and eventually, they can’t keep up the pretense. When this happens, it should be a red flag that their true nature is emerging.
But why can’t a narcissist have a real, genuine connection with someone? Because the natural energy and strength people get from love and affection are replaced with hate and anger for the narcissist. As soon as the intimacy is cut off, they lash out, feeling confident that they have hooked you. This is when the trauma bond becomes dangerous; you start questioning whether the narcissist ever really loved you. It all starts to feel like one big lie. However, if you can remember that this person was pretending all along and is incapable of reciprocating actual love, you’ll avoid getting stuck in a toxic cycle of seeking love from someone who can’t give it.
Once they’re done with you, the narcissist has already moved on to someone new or is already texting a few others on the side. It’s like they’re always on the hunt, always trying to get their fix. It’s a vicious cycle that doesn’t reflect how normal people seek love and connection in their lives.
It’s easy to use extreme language and paint all narcissists as demons, but that kind of thinking is dismissive and unhelpful. When we do this, we’re no better than the narcissists themselves, who label us as bad people to justify their wrongdoings. It’s essential to have a nuanced understanding of the situation. It could be that we’re seeking love in unhealthy ways or exhibiting codependent tendencies. This isn’t to say that we are necessarily bad people, but it’s important to take responsibility for our actions and work toward self-improvement.
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