Have you ever been so fed up with a narcissist’s behavior that you just wanted to call them out, tell them off, and expose their lies? Well, hold on before you take that leap; you need to know something crucial. What if I told you that calling out a narcissist could backfire in ways you’ve never imagined? That’s why in this episode, we’re diving deep into why confronting them is not likely to turn out the way you hope, what you can expect in response, and the surprising alternative that God has for you. Stay tuned—you don’t want to miss this.
First, I need to tell you about Brenda’s story. Brenda came to me years ago, overwhelmed by the realization that not only had her mother been manipulative her entire life, but now her 32-year-old daughter also exhibited severe narcissistic traits. For years, Brenda believed her mother’s lies, thinking she was damaged and disrespectful, and took on the responsibility of trying to make her daughter more respectful and appreciative—never realizing the true nature of both of their behaviors. When Brenda finally understood what was really happening, she was ready to confront them both.
With her daughter, she wanted to share what she had learned about narcissism, hoping to open her eyes, stop the abuse, and jump-start a new relationship. But she chose to start with her mother. You see, Brenda was fed up. She was tired of the lies and blame she had endured her entire life. She saw through her mother’s manipulative, gaslighting tactics and was determined to let her know she was on to her. With confidence I’d never seen, Brenda shouted, “She’ll have no choice but to stop once she knows I’m on to her.”
I said, “Brenda, are you sure about that?”
“Yes, why wouldn’t I be?” she said. “Now I know, and she needs to know that I know.”
Despite my advice to proceed cautiously, Brenda confronted her mother and daughter on the same day. But the unexpected happened. Both discussions spiraled into a toxic quagmire, leaving Brenda feeling more drained, confused, and out of control than she was before. She asked me, “What went wrong? I was loving with my daughter and firm with my mother. I even rehearsed what I was going to say. What happened? It’s like it all backfired on me.”
I kept my mouth shut, but I must admit, the thought of “I tried to warn you” lingered in my mind.
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