Another thing you need to do is learn to relinquish the illusion of control. Stop trying to control what you cannot control. And believe me when I tell you, you cannot control the narcissist. Neither can you control who chooses to believe their distorted narrative and all the lies they tell. So, when you finally get to a much healthier place of surrendering to the reality of what is—surrendering to what you actually have control over and accepting who and what you do not have control over—relinquish the fantasy of having control over outcomes and situations. Relinquish the fantasy of being able to control what a destructive narcissist is or isn’t going to say or do, and instead, pour all of your time, energy, attention, focus, and resources into taking excellent care of yourself. You’ll be much better off.
The truth is, others will be far more likely to see what’s really going on a whole lot sooner when you learn to detach in this way. The bottom line is this: the key to exposing someone who lands on the spectrum of destructive narcissism is getting yourself to a place where you are able to remain calm, clear, and detached while taking excellent care of yourself. Then, from that place of calm, clear, detached strength, ask a very simple, clear question—one that shines a light on who the narcissist is and what they’re actually up to. I assure you, nothing terrifies a narcissist more than the threat of exposure.
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