In most cases, grey rocking a narcissist is best, as they cannot handle being around someone who doesn’t think they are relevant or worth engaging with. This applies to everyone, even if you have been in a relationship with a narcissist and they believe they know you, own you, and can manipulate you as they wish. As soon as you turn off that emotional tap—and better yet, keep it off—the narcissist knows they’ve lost you. They will try to provoke you to make you break, especially if they had you before. It may take a while for them to accept that you are done, but once they realize their game is up, they will move on.
They consider it a loss because they can no longer manipulate you. They cannot emotionally destabilize you any longer. If a narcissist cannot control or influence you, they will try to eliminate or avoid you.
Some of you might think that no contact is the number one way a narcissist can lose someone, and it is true for the person who has gone no contact. However, in the narcissist’s mind, you are still theirs; they believe they will still be able to control you—they just need to find you. Narcissists are delusional. But they can think what they like; the most important thing is that we are healing and happy without them. So, if you are doing no contact, keep it up and tread carefully with any new relationships.
No contact frees us from some narcissists, but not all, as they are everywhere. That is why it is important not only to spot narcissists but also to know how to act around them, which primarily means keeping our emotions in check. Do not be quick to credit them or be overly impressed by them; it can also involve being distant, even abrupt sometimes—boring, and just overall disinterested. That is why it is called grey rocking: you are being like a grey rock, where not much excitement is going on.
To conclude, now you know what narcissists need to feel in control or like they have a chance at manipulating you. They essentially need us and our emotions. If we can take our emotions out of the equation, we can block the narcissist from thinking or even trying to gain control. Remember, narcissists believe they have you when they can control and manipulate you, and they realize they have lost you when they cannot do either. Narcissists hate losing, as it means one less source of narcissistic supply and one less person to use and abuse. May we all be that one who got away.
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