As you invest in your primary relationships, there are certain basics you want to maintain so that the relationship can provide the deepest level of reward for you. It can bring out the very best in who you are and who those in front of you will want to be. Among those healthy characteristics are things like openness, curiosity, mutual curiosity about one another, and a sense of accountability.
You want to have a sense of teamwork that says, “I want to share with you who I am, and I want to know who you are,” so we can combine our resources, encourage each other, and stimulate each other as the days, weeks, months, and years go by. That’s how healthy relationships work.
Now, let’s throw the narcissist into the mix. Here comes the one who will disrupt all those good ingredients. Narcissists don’t want teamwork; they want you to be on their team. What that means to them is they want you to be subordinate to them. Narcissists carefully construct their own narrative, where they’re the hero, the winner, and the one who knows best.
You don’t get honesty from them; they don’t want you to think they’re part of the group. They need to be a little above the rest, so self-revelation is not something they’re comfortable with at all. They’re very calculated and always looking for an angle. That said, there are certain things you will not access inside that person. I’ve constructed eight questions that a narcissist simply cannot answer because it would require them to have a sense of honesty that just doesn’t exist within them.
I want you to think of these questions as something you might encounter with some of the narcissists in your life.
8. What are some of your deepest hurts?
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