The next thing to expect if you’ve been able to maintain no contact for any length of time is the hoovering tactic. The narcissist employs this hoovering tactic in an attempt to suck you back into the abuse cycle. And being prepared in advance is the thing that will save you all kinds of pain when the time comes. And here’s the thing, friends: there is no time limit on the hoover. I have personally experienced a number of hoovering attempts after quite literally a decade of no contact with various narcissistic perpetrators from my past. These folks are relentless and lazy, meaning it’s easier for the narcissist to circle back to an ex 10 years after the fact than it is to go out and do the work of finding a new source of narcissistic supply, which by the way, is the primary reason why they hoover. They’re looking for supply—someone to exploit—nothing more.
Now, comment below and tell me whether or not you’ve had this experience. Let me know in the comment section below. And if you’d like to learn more about the possibility of working with me in one of my coaching programs, there’s a link in the description below this video where you can apply to see if you qualify for a free one-on-one consultation with either myself or a member of my team.
Now, if they’re able to get a foot in the door and succeed with their hoovering attempts, the very next thing coming down the pike for you is love bombing. This is where we begin the narcissistic abuse cycle all over again, especially if there’s been some time and distance. So be clear, this is exactly what is going on. You are being sucked right back into the toxic abuse cycle, where it begins with you being idealized before being devalued, which is coming for sure, count on it, and then the ultimate discard. Suddenly, they begin to morph into that person that you needed them to be in the beginning, back when you were being abused before you went no contact. Now all of a sudden, they’re on their best behavior. They’re doing all the right things and saying all the right things, and suddenly they’ve figured out how to apologize. Hmm. Suddenly, they can show up on time and act as if they’re actually decent, kind human beings. As if they really care. And they’re making all kinds of empty promises and future faking to the degree that you’re willing to fall for the nonsense. And if you’ve been white-knuckling it through the no contact phase, you are quite literally going to get high on the nonsense. And the truth is, this is all very temporary—their best behavior. This will be a very short-lived phase, meaning a few months at best. So understand that if you have not maintained firm, non-negotiable, absolutely unapologetic no contact while, also getting into your own healing and recovery work, and they’ve gotten a foot in the door, and now you’re on the receiving end of their best efforts to love bomb you, the whole cycle starts all over again.
So think long and hard before you decide to start falling for their words. The sudden shift into a whole new person who wasn’t able to show up before but suddenly now is more motivated for whatever reason—reasons that probably have nothing to do with you and certainly nothing to do with your well-being.
Number Four: Laying in Wait
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