The narcissist’s perfectionist attitude can immensely affect how you view tidiness. You might link it to their harsh expectations and constant criticism; no matter how much effort you put in, it’s never enough to meet their impossible standards. This creates a continuous sense of inadequacy. Over time, this builds a fear of failure, making even simple tasks like cleaning daunting.
You may avoid tidying up altogether, not because you don’t care, but because it brings up the anxiety of never measuring up. In her book Trauma and Recovery, Dr. Judith Herman explains that people often avoid things that remind them of the pain, even if it’s something as simple as cleaning. Even after the narcissist is out of your life, the anxiety lingers, and the act of cleaning can still feel like a trigger.
In this case, the mess in your room becomes a shield—something that protects you from the painful memories of trying to meet impossible standards and from the judgment that the narcissist imposed. It’s a way to avoid reliving the emotional turmoil that came with their constant criticism.
7. Feeling Undeserving of a Clean, Comfortable Space
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