Now, I want to wrap all of these concepts up with an analogy that can help you truly visualize what is happening so you can stop taking this personally. Imagine a window shopper looking at a mannequin in a high-end store. The mannequin is wearing a beautiful, expensive suit. It stands perfectly still, with perfect lighting. The shopper loves the mannequin, admires it, and tells their friends, “Oh, look how perfect that is!” They want to take it home; they’re obsessed with the image.
But imagine if you brought this mannequin home and it suddenly moved. Imagine if it sat down on the couch and said, “I’m tired of standing in that pose. My back hurts, and by the way, I need a glass of water. Can you get me one, please?” The shopper would be horrified, confused, and then angry. They would say, “What are you doing? You are supposed to be an object. You are supposed to make me look good. You are ruining the aesthetic.”
That is how a narcissist views you. You’re the mannequin in their window. When you try to be a real person, when you try to have a real relationship with mutual needs, you are breaking the pose; you are no longer serving your function. They do not feel the reverse love I have been talking about because they are complicated and mysterious souls. No, they feel it because they are objectifying you. You cannot have a reciprocal relationship with someone who views you as a prop in their movie.
Conclusion: Embracing Your Humanity
If you’re sitting there today racking your brain trying to figure out what you did wrong to make them stop loving you, I need you to hear this: you did not do anything wrong. You were just human. You became real. You offered them safety, intimacy, and forgiveness. In a healthy relationship with a healthy partner, those are the building blocks of a lifetime of happiness. They are the things that make love grow deeper every single year.
But in a narcissistic relationship, those triggers lead to devaluation. Please stop trying to shrink yourself back into the snapshot. You cannot be a cardboard cutout forever. You cannot hold your breath forever just to keep them comfortable. You are a living, breathing person with a soul, and you deserve to be loved for your reality, not for your utility. You deserve to be seen, not just viewed.
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