What is it that a narcissist wishes to escape? Well, let’s talk about that. First, they want to escape being rejected; they don’t want anyone out there to think poorly of them, and they’re shocked when you do reject them. They seek your admiration and affirmation, and they cannot stand it when someone says, “I’m sorry, but I’m just not on the same team as you.”
Also, they want your total agreement; as far as they’re concerned, you’re not allowed to have your own distinct opinions, and they cannot manage your uniqueness. They want to escape having to come to terms with someone who thinks and prioritizes differently, especially when those differences are going to be rather permanent.
Furthermore, they want to escape any kind of personal struggles; they want their lives to be stress-free. For example, if they say, “Here’s the way it needs to be,” they just want everyone to say, “Okay, I guess I’ll just go along with that.” If they have an interpretation, they don’t want anyone to come along and say, “Well, there’s a different way of looking at this.” They want to avoid any struggles and inconveniences—whether it’s being stuck in traffic, dealing with bad weather, or handling unexpected problems at work. The possibilities are endless, but they think, “No, I don’t want inconveniences. Do you understand? This is me, and you’re not allowed to bring inconveniences into my world.”
They want to run away from all of that. They certainly want to hide their own failures or mistakes, and if those failures or mistakes are glaringly obvious, they want to reframe them. It’s another way they try to escape: “Don’t hold me responsible; I want to run away from all of that.”
Another thing they want to escape is common worries. You and I may have concerns about family matters or friendships that aren’t working out, money issues, or political disappointments. But for them, it’s, “I don’t want to deal with all that stuff; just make it all go away.
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