They devalued you because you were merely reporting what you were doing and supposed to do. You were the unpaid helper, the walking apology, and the endless to-do list. You were stuck in that narcissistic fog or the trauma bond, reporting back to the narcissist. It was intentional because they knew you didn’t know any better. They devalued you after placing you there, and they became jaded and bored with you. You were captured, and the thrill chase was over. They had you like a Barbie or a Ken doll on a shelf, and they were going to take you down and use you, or get resources from you.
They’d restore you to the shelf because of this. The narcissist would disappear for hours, days, or even entire weekends. In these relationships, what were they doing? They were either finding a replacement or using other sources of supply. Other sources of supply could have been friends, groups they were part of, traveling opportunities, or anything else.
Fair enough, narcissistic supply is usually romantic or friend-based, but instead of romance, it could also be a family member or sibling. However, the narcissist did not expect you to put yourself back together, dust yourself off, and figure out what narcissism was, how it affected you, and that you needed to save yourself first.
If you were discarded, my heart goes out to you. Even if the relationship ended on your terms, my heart still goes out to you because you were with a toxic person for a long time. The narcissistic abusive cycle is something most people don’t experience, but you have—number one, second, you have that needle in a haystack, like all the pine needles behind me on the trees or ground. One pine needle in a haystack unlocked your future and freed you from the toxic narcissistic relationship.
The narcissist never wanted you to understand them. They never expected you to survive after being discarded during a pandemic, multiple surgeries, mountains of credit card debt, no car, and isolation due to the smear campaign. The narcissist took advantage, knowing that no one would check on you and no one would reach out to offer support. This is why narcissists act the way they do. They slither away at night or vanish quickly because they took everything they could, and they refuse to sit down and reflect or take accountability. They can’t because their small brains won’t let them. They are childlike because of this, so they are stuck in their misery and wanted to keep you there, too.
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