Narcissists are juggling another layer of shame because the things they value most are not aligned with what society deems acceptable or good. This creates an even more fragile sense of self. The narcissist wears a mask to hide this from the world because if they didn’t, they wouldn’t be able to maintain their grandiose self-image.
So, why does the narcissist hate you? The truth is, they don’t really hate you; they hate themselves. They’re managing layers of shame that can be triggered at any moment. Splitting—seeing you as all good or all bad—helps them protect their fragile sense of self. But none of this excuses their bad behavior. You cannot save the narcissist, nor do they want to be saved.
You are not going to be the one to get the narcissist to change. But by looking at your own shadow, you can start healing from narcissistic abuse. It’s not easy, but it’s possible.
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