Now, we need to understand the truth about that regret, which I promised earlier. We need to pause for a moment and really grasp the difference between remorse and regret. This is where many survivors get trapped and confused.
Remorse is when you feel bad because you hurt someone else. You see their pain, and it breaks your heart; you wish you could take it away. You apologize because you want them to feel better. A narcissist is physically incapable of feeling this; they do not possess the empathy to perceive your pain.
Regret is when you feel bad because you hurt yourself. Imagine you own a reliable car that gets you to work every day; it’s warm, safe, and never breaks down. But you get bored and decide you want a flashy sports car. So, you sell the reliable car and buy the sports car. Two months later, the sports car breaks down on the highway in the rain, and the repair bill is expensive. Standing on the side of the road, you regret selling the old car and say, “I wish I still had that car.” But ask yourself: do you love the car? Do you care about the car’s feelings? No, you’re just upset that you’re wet and inconvenienced.
When a narcissist regrets leaving you, they are essentially annoyed that they have to walk in the rain. They are frustrated by how their life has become miserable. They feel burdened by managing their laundry, emotions, and finding new people to deceive. They view others as objects. If you throw away a toaster and buy a new one, only for the new one to burn your toast, you may regret throwing the old one away. You might even go to the trash can to retrieve it, but you do not love the toaster; you just want toast.
This is what occurs in the narcissist’s mind during this timeline. They’re not reflecting on their morals; they’re not thinking, “I lost a good woman or man.” No, they’re thinking, “I lost my service provider.” They dig through the trash, which is the act of hoovering, because they want their toast.
Phase Five: The Collapse
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