Some of this relates to attachment theories, which suggest that people with narcissistic personalities likely have attachment styles characterized by anxious, disorganized, or avoidant patterns. As a result, it can be very difficult for a narcissistic individual to establish secure roots with another person. For people with these attachment styles, even the thought of departure is challenging. It activates all those deep-seated attachment issues.
If you’re in a relationship characterized by narcissistic patterns, you may recognize this cycle. Let’s say you need to be away from each other for a few days or weeks for a business trip or a family issue. As the day of departure approaches, tensions rise in your relationship. The narcissist becomes more agitated, picking fights over trivial matters. You may feel frustrated because you want your last days or hours together to be pleasant, but the more you try, the worse they behave. This often leads to a major argument just before you leave.
A similar pattern can emerge upon reunion. Instead of a warm welcome, your narcissistic partner may seem tentative, distant, or detached. These behaviors are common in people with anxious, avoidant, or disorganized attachment styles, consistent with the idea that the impending separation triggers primitive abandonment fears. The reunion is often marked by anger, as they might think, “I can’t believe you left me in the first place.” This happens even if it was the narcissist who left for the trip—it doesn’t matter who’s going, it’s the act of parting that triggers these feelings.
Academic Narcissist: Type That Can Destroy You in Minutes
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