That smear campaign was one of the worst experiences I’ve ever gone through in my life. That’s why I built these tools so that no one has to feel alone and powerless in situations like this. If you’d like this tool, it’s inside my training. Grab the narcissist protection checklist, and I’ll send you an offer to access it.
If you’ve ever been the target of a smear campaign, your first reaction is probably something like, “How could they say that about me?” or “How could people even believe this? This is so ridiculous; it’s so untrue.” You might be stunned that anyone would fall for it. You might think that you could just point out how absurd it is and that people will see through it, but that’s the psychological trap that the narcissist counts on.
There’s a name for this tactic: it’s called an ad hominem attack. Instead of arguing the facts, they attack the person saying them. That’s exactly what a smear campaign does. It shifts the focus from the issue to your character, from truth to your credibility.
The moment you start defending yourself, you’ve accepted their premise; you’ve changed the subject from truth to your image. That’s how the operation wins. The only way to counter an ad hominem attack is simple but difficult: refuse to change the subject. You don’t get caught defending your character; you stay with the truth.
You could say something like, “Whether or not you like me doesn’t change the facts,” or “My parenting isn’t being debated; the issue is my ex’s abuse.” Alternatively, “My work ethic isn’t the issue; the problem is the harassment.” The formula is straightforward: separate the accusation from the issue. Name what’s real and redirect the focus back to it. Every time you do this, you stop the tactic—not the smear itself, but the part that feeds on your reaction.
Some people are never going to believe you, and unfortunately, that’s just a fact of having had a narcissist in your life. But what you can control is how much power you give the narcissist. In my life, the smear campaigns used against me have taught me something very important: the people who were never truly with me fell away, and the ones who could see through the manipulation remained.
It’s painful, but it’s also very clarifying because whoever is left after that are the people you can actually trust.
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