Now we need to discuss Phase Three: the comparison game. This lasts for about three months and represents a danger zone for them. This is where regret begins—but please listen closely. This is not emotional regret; it is functional regret, and that is different. They start comparing their new situation to what they had with you, not in terms of emotional investment but of service. They think, “My ex never asked me to do the dishes,” or “My ex knew exactly how I liked my coffee and had it ready.”
They realize they let go of a highly skilled and loyal partner and hired a temporary replacement who doesn’t know the job. They start to feel frustrated. They aren’t missing you as a person—with dreams and feelings for them—they’re missing the way you made them feel. You were their regulator: calming them when they were angry, cheering them up when they were sad, and giving them confidence when they felt insecure.
Now that you are gone, their emotional temperature becomes difficult to regulate. This is when they may start stalking your social media. They’re not doing it because they love you; they want to see if you are suffering. If you look happy, it angers them and damages their ego. They think, “How dare he or she be happy without me?” Conversely, if you appear sad, it provides them a twisted sense of power. But mostly, they’re checking to see if the old appliance is still available, just in case they need to plug it back in.
Phase Four: Starvation and the Hoover
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