Look, I get it—that’s a tough pill to swallow, especially if you’re a good person trying to do right by the relationship. Maybe you’ve given them 10, 20, or 30 years of marriage, raised their children, helped support their business, and created a lifestyle so they could thrive. Now, your eyes are open, and your instinct is to go to this person to explain what you’re seeing, in hopes that their eyes will open too. But instead of open eyes, you’re met with snarling teeth.
You might be tempted to think that maybe you are the problem because everything seemed fine before you brought anything up. It wasn’t fine, and you know it. That vicious, rabid dog was lying dormant all this time, and it’s not your fault that he or she is attacking. It’s not your responsibility to keep this ferocious animal from attacking you, and it’s certainly not your fault when they do.
I was once in a relationship with a guy who seemed calm, laid-back, and fun-loving, but when someone ticked him off, he went nuts. He would say, “I’m a super nice guy, but when someone makes me mad, that’s it. All bets are off.” He actually thought this was something to brag about, as if he were saying, “I’m a really nice guy, but you’re the one making me into a monster.” No, my friend, the monster was always there—you just didn’t know how to control it.
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