Why Do Narcissists Pick Fights Then Blame You?

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In my view, there are five primary reasons why a narcissist will go out of their way to start an argument or pick a fight and then shift the blame onto you.

In this article, I unpack the five primary reasons why narcissists pick fights, but I don’t stop there.

So, what’s up with the narcissist and their penchant for picking fights and then shifting the blame onto you? For real, what’s going on, right? Well, in my view, there are five primary reasons why a narcissist will go out of their way to start an argument or pick a fight and then shift the blame onto you.

Number one: It props up their false selves and overinflated egos.

People with a destructive narcissistic personality pattern—in other words, people who fall on the spectrum of destructive narcissism—go through life with an intense need to start and win arguments. Why? Because it props them up. It boosts their overinflated ego and helps maintain their false persona, including their false sense of superiority. It lets them know that they’re alive, important, and significant, even if in a highly dysfunctional and destructive way. In fact, the higher up the spectrum they are, the more they’ll seek to accomplish this by any means necessary. But there’s more to it.

Number two: Narcissists are energy vampires.

Destructive narcissists are vampiric in nature and literally manufacture unnecessary chaos and drama because your high-voltage negative emotional reaction serves them in several ways, primarily as a means of siphoning your vital life force energy. The more frequently and intensely you react to the narcissist’s provocations, the more energy the narcissist is able to siphon from you. They go out of their way to target any vulnerabilities you may have with the deliberate intent of triggering you. They want you to react, and no matter what you say, no matter how much sense you’re making, no matter how much evidence or actual experience you bring to the table, there’s always an excuse to rationalize and justify what they’ve done or said. And, of course, there’s always a reason why they’re right and you’re wrong. As a result of engaging in this deliberately manufactured and circular, mind-bending, crazy-making argument, you walk away feeling completely drained and depleted, while the narcissist walks away feeling great. Why? They’ve been able to fill themselves up on an energetic level via your intense emotional outburst. Think about it. Emotion is energy in motion. Low-vibrational beings will draw on and literally siphon the intense emotion and energy in motion coming off of their target. This is especially true in the dynamic between the empath and the destructive narcissist. But, again, there’s more to it.

Number three: You’re onto them.

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