6. They create a divide-and-conquer dynamic.
Narcissists drop little bombs of gossip, half-truths, or shady comments to stir suspicion and pit people against each other. It’s not just drama for fun; it’s strategy. As therapist and author Shahida Arabi explains in her book Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare, narcissists thrive on triangulation, a manipulation tactic where they play people off each other to stay in control and at the center. The more confused and divided everyone feels, the more power they hold. They love watching people second-guess each other while pretending to be the peacemaker in the mess they secretly created. It keeps them relevant and needed, even though they’re the ones pouring gasoline on the fire. You’ll notice that every time things start to calm down, they’ll find a way to kick up dust again. It’s all about making sure the spotlight, even if it’s chaotic, never leaves them.
7. They play the victim for sympathy points.
Narcissists love playing their favorite role: the tragic hero who’s always misunderstood. Instead of celebrating others, they shift the emotional spotlight by claiming they feel left out, ignored, or unappreciated. Dr. Craig Malkin, in his book Rethinking Narcissism, calls this tactic “playing the victim to feel special.” It’s not about genuine hurt; it’s about fishing for sympathy because attention—even pity—feeds their ego. So, while everyone’s laughing or clinking glasses, they’re lurking in the corner, waiting for someone to say, “Are you okay?” It’s emotional manipulation wrapped in a sad little bow, and suddenly it’s not your party anymore; it’s their pity parade.
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