They hate what they cannot control, and what they cannot control is what they destroy: your ability to connect, your intuition, your independence, your healing journey, your strength to walk away. This is why some of them try to become the women in their lives—their wives, their mothers—anybody they can copy, anyone who has light that they cannot steal away.
This envy, though, turns into hatred when the narcissist realizes he cannot be that woman; he can only possess her or punish her. So, what does he do? He competes. He turns the relationship into a power game. If you succeed, he will sabotage you. If you glow, he will dim your light. If you are admired by others, he will make backhanded comments to bring you down. You’re not his partner; you are his opponent. His ego cannot survive your autonomy, so he will do everything in his power to shrink you down to size.
Sadistic Supply: Thriving on Pain
This is hard to say, but it is essentially the truth: a lot of these narcissistic men do not just tolerate your pain; they enjoy it. Your tears make them feel superior. Your confusion gives them power. Your emotional breakdown gives them a sense of control. It’s not always conscious, but it’s real. They poke and prod at your insecurities, withhold affection, intentionally push your buttons, and then play innocent when you react. They use your reaction, and when you finally explode, they use that reaction as proof that you’re the problem.
