Then comes the fourth aspect: the spell of the monster, which I call the reverse mask. Most victims get this backward. You think the nice version of the narcissist is the real person, and the abusive version is the fake mask that slips on when they are angry. You think, “If I just love them enough, the monster will go away, and the nice guy will come back.” The spell breaks when you realize the opposite is true. The monster is the real person; the nice guy was the mask. When they are cold, cruel, and indifferent, that is their baseline—that is their soul. Being nice is exhausting for them; it’s a performance they put on to get what they want.
You are waiting for the actor to return on stage, but the show is over. Stop waiting for the mask to become their face.
The Spell of Jealousy: Competing for a Rotten Prize
The fifth aspect is the spell of jealousy, which they create even after leaving you. They may constantly post pictures, mention an ex, a co-worker, a new supply, or a friend who flatters them. They compare you to others: “Why can’t you be more like them?” or “My ex never complained about this.” You feel a burning need to compete without realizing you’re competing against a stranger. You work hard, dress better, eat less, and try to prove you’re the best choice.
This is the spell of triangulation. They create a competition to make themselves feel like a prize. They want you fighting for their attention because it makes them feel powerful. But the truth is, the prize is rotten. You are competing for the right to be abused. Let the other person have them. You’re not losing a partner; you are dodging a bullet—one you may not even recognize as a bullet because you know they stab you, and you’re still searching for the knife, which is just hidden. It’s only that you can’t see it; it’s invisible.
The Savior Complex: Breaking the Fixer Spell
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