Most people believe that they must say something to stop manipulation. However, there are three simple nonverbal cues you can use to prevent coercion and manipulation before they start. Narcissists are constantly scanning for signs of access, compliance, and emotional availability. When these signals are present, they know they can extract resources and that you become a target.
Before discussing the cues that stop manipulation, I want to address the nonverbal cues that invite it. Let’s be clear: no one intentionally says, “Please manipulate me.” However, in polite society, we often exhibit nonverbal cues that quietly communicate messages such as “I’m available,” “I’m nice,” “I’m not going to put you on the spot,” “I’m going to play along,” or even “I’ll carry the emotional weight of this interaction.” All of these fall under the category of rapport-building cues.
Rapport building is about signaling safety and cooperation so that the other person feels comfortable engaging with you. It manifests in behaviors like raising your eyebrows while someone is talking, keeping your eyes wide open and attentive, leaning in when someone wants to talk to you, nodding as they speak, mirroring their facial expressions and body language, or tilting your head slightly to show interest, understanding, or concern.
On a functional level, these cues communicate: “I’m listening. I’m not a threat. I’m socially cooperative. I’m open to connection, and I’m here for you.” These cues are beneficial when interacting with someone who has the capacity to genuinely connect with you. They facilitate conversation flow, build trust, signal goodwill, and prevent unnecessary conflict. In professional, social, and intimate settings, rapport is a core component of collaboration and trust. They indicate that you are emotionally receptive, responsive, willing to engage, and that you’ll help move the interaction forward.
The problem arises when manipulators exploit these cues. They perform these actions to see how you will respond. They raise their eyebrows, lean in, and mirror your actions just to gauge if you will mirror them back. They observe your adaptability and willingness to cooperate. Essentially, they are testing, “If I do X, Y, and Z, will you do what I want?” While you may feel like you’re building rapport, they are strategically acting to determine what they can extract from you.
If this sounds familiar and you want to assess the level of risk you’re dealing with, I’ve put together a quick narcissist protection checklist. The link is in the description.
How to Tell the Difference
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