Therefore, any issues you have are going to recur; they’re going to be ongoing. You’re also in a relationship with someone who lacks emotional empathy, so they have no problem hurting you. There are going to be things that come up quite possibly on a daily basis. When the narcissist turns it back around on you, you might start thinking maybe it is you; maybe you should just let things go. And how convenient is that for the narcissist?
You suspect this person is cheating, but you’re sensitive about how often you’ve brought this up, so you don’t say anything. You let it go, and this is how the narcissist keeps you under control.
The last thing I have for you today—something that narcissists often say—is, “Your actions are hurting these other people.” So, when a narcissist realizes that they’re losing control over you and you’re not buying into the other things the narcissist typically says to keep you under control, and you’re starting to break free, they’re very likely to use other people to make you feel guilty.
Here’s an example: you now have no contact with the narcissist in your life or are practicing extreme gray rock. You only see them when you absolutely have to, and you have absolutely nothing to say to them. In doing so, you’ve likely realized that you’ve had to cut a few people out of your life as well. It might be the narcissist’s family, mutual friends, or even some of your own family members. These are really tough decisions to make, but if you’ve identified that these people are flying monkeys who are going to go back to the narcissists and tell them things about you, then you’ve made the right decision.
But the narcissist is likely to make you feel guilty for it. They’re very likely to bring it up—whether it’s true or not—and say, “Oh, well, you know, so-and-so is heartbroken,” or “I can’t believe you cut this person off—that’s so cold and heartless!” They’re likely to play on your emotions towards people who aren’t narcissists because it’s more likely to work.
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