Most people calm down when they finally get a few hours to themselves, don’t they? They may curl up with a book, take their dog for a walk, go to the gym, bake a cake, call an old friend, or simply sit outside with a cup of tea watching the world go by. Free time is supposed to give the body and mind space to breathe. It is where laughter, hobbies, and the small joys of life thrive.
However, narcissists do not approach rest the way healthy people do. While you and I may seek calm, they look for stimulation that feeds their ego or their need for control. Silence threatens them because it exposes the hollowness, the emptiness inside. So, they fill their hours with behavior that is just as destructive as it is bizarre.
Today, I’m going to take you behind the curtain and show you seven crazy things narcissists do in their free time. They conspire, gossip, absorb toxic debates, escape into hollow comedy, audit every expense, raid through belongings, and pick random fights. They critique everyone’s routine until there’s no air left in the room.
Gossip and Conspire: The Narcissist’s Planning Session
Number one: gossip and conspire. A narcissist’s idea of relaxation is often a planning session disguised as conversation. I grew up watching my father pace the room, talking about people’s careers, their property, cars, and children—how much someone had achieved. On the surface, it sounded like curiosity, but the tone always turned sharp. He would dissect every success until he found a reason to dismiss it.
My mother expressed the same energy in gossip. She would settle into the sofa with a cup of tea, call one of her sisters, and spend an hour cataloging who wore what to a family event, who looked tired, and whose children were falling behind. The more she spoke, the more alive she became. I could almost see the adrenaline on her face. That gossip was not light-hearted; it was fuel that fed a competition running in her mind. When narcissists conspire and gossip, they’re not passing time; they’re structuring a hierarchy where they sit at the top. Picking apart other people’s choices gives them the illusion of superiority. Even when nobody’s present, they rehearse criticisms as if an invisible audience is watching.
Absorbing Toxic Debates: Fueling Inner Turmoil
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