Stage four: they use you for money, labor, and survival. The mask slips further. There is less charm, more need. The focus shifts to survival—their survival. You become the worker who keeps the lights on. The extra shifts are yours. The freelance work is yours. The hustle is yours. If you earn more money, they enjoy the lifestyle while mocking the way you earn. If you earn less, they still take from your pocket and from your body, then call you ungrateful when you say it is unfair.
Watch the financial tricks. They borrow and do not repay. They hide spending. They use your credit cards and call it a misunderstanding. They push you to sign for the car lease, the loan, and the phone plan. They ask for your passwords in the name of trust, then punish you for asking for theirs. If they have a visa issue, a legal issue, a job gap, they expect you to cover it. You are now the safety net and the mule.
The labor is not just money. It’s domestic, social, and emotional. You plan trips and pack bags. You write birthday messages and buy gifts for their family. You call the school and the plumber. You edit their resume and wash their clothes. You carry the load while they act like management. They perform for outsiders and brag about being the leader. But inside the home, what do they do? They sit while you break your back.
If you speak up, God forbid, they call you selfish. If you rest, they create a crisis and demand help. This stage can last for years. It trains you to believe that your worth comes from how much you can carry. This is where the donkey image becomes real: loyal, tired, yet loaded with bags that are not yours, hungry for a kind touch that never comes.
Stage 5: Devaluation and Contempt
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