“Oh, I could have easily cheated on you with two more people, but I didn’t.” “I could have kept this hidden from you forever, and you’d never have known.” They downplay their actions by comparing them to worse possibilities. Your anger grows because their excuses sound like nonsense. “I was just texting that guy I met at the gym—what’s wrong with that? I could’ve left you for him, but I didn’t. Instead of being grateful, you’re harassing me.”
They minimize their actions, saying they could have done something worse, and make you feel irrational for being upset. This is the ultimate form of gaslighting because it leaves you with nothing sensible to respond to. In the end, you react to their abuse by yelling, screaming, or even crying because you feel utterly helpless.
What should you do in situations like this? Regulate your nervous system first. If you don’t know how to do that, you may want to join my upcoming workshop, “How to Heal After Narcissistic Abuse in Five Practical Steps.” Stay firm in your resolve, believe in your experiences, and don’t let them alter your reality.
Mind Game Number Three: Wrong Language
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