As a narcissistic abuse survivor, you may already know what reactive abuse is, but what you may not be aware of are the different mind games a narcissist plays to provoke a strong reaction from you. You might say, “Oh, I know they push people’s buttons to get a strong emotional response,” and you’d be right, but there’s a lot more to it. They do insidious things that I’m going to expose in this episode.
Why is that important? When dealing with a narcissist, you always want to stay one step ahead. You need to be able to read them like a book so that you can predict their responses. By knowing the mind games I’m going to talk about today, you can become “narcissist-proof.” You can become strong enough never to react again.
Mind Game Number One
What happens when a narcissist knows they’ve been exposed and will have to take responsibility? They’ll start bringing up things you may have said or done—and apologized for—years ago. “What about how you broke my trust by talking about our issues with your best friend?” “What about how you shamed me in front of your family?” “What about how you got a dog without my consent?” or “What about how you ignored me for a whole day?”
They’ll keep going with their “what abouts” until you react and start defending yourself. You might say something like, “What does your current cheating have to do with what I said to my friend 10 years ago? Besides, you said you had forgiven me.” Yet suddenly, they’re dredging it up again. You realize they’re trying to deflect from the current situation, and that’s when they flip the script and become the victim: “Oh, poor me! Look at what you’re doing to me. I forgive you when you make mistakes, but you’re so harsh on me!”
If the narcissist is aggressive, they might become angry and start abusing you physically or lashing out at their surroundings. The point is, they will show no flexibility. They’ll keep focusing on your past actions until you react defensively, and suddenly, you’re the one under scrutiny. That’s how they escape accountability.
Mind Game Number Two: Minimization
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