If you were to fully step into the world of a narcissist—if you could actually plug your brain into theirs and see what they see, feel what they feel, and think what they think without any filters—you would not just be scared; you would want to gouge your eyes out. I know that sounds extreme. You would want to erase your own memory out of pure shock, disgust, and disbelief. You would ask yourself, “How is it truly possible for a human being to be this way and still exist, still be out there roaming free?” Their world is not just twisted; it’s inverted, upside down. The things that bring you pain bring them pleasure. The things you find morally wrong—unacceptable—they find enjoyment in. History has repeated itself time and again to demonstrate this, with a recent example being the Epstein files. The biggest monsters who committed crimes that terrify humanity did not do it out of necessity or compulsion; they found joy in actions that you and I would be appalled by. That same inverted, corrupted logic is operating right now in the world and inside the person who claims to love you—the narcissist—who lives in a reality where evil is seen as a strength and kindness as a weakness.
The first thing you need to understand is their obsession with being the center of your universe. They demand to be the ultimate source of your happiness. This might sound like they just want to be loved, but it is much darker than that. A narcissist believes they must be the alpha and omega of your life. They need to be the beginning and the end of your joy. If you are not happy with them, then they believe you must be miserable. They cannot tolerate you finding joy in anything else. Nobody else in this world is allowed to put a smile on your face. If you have a hobby that you love—like painting, running, or reading—they will try to destroy it. They will mock it, hide your supplies, and tell you that you are wasting your time. If you have a passion, they will try to kill it. If you have self-confidence, they will set it on fire.
Why do they do this? Because in their twisted mind, if you are happy doing something that does not involve them, you are insulting them. By being happy without them, you are basically saying that they are not enough without saying it outright. You’re implying that they have failed to be the god of your world. A narcissist sees your independence as a failure on their part. To them, it’s all a performance; they are supposed to be the star, and you are supposed to be the audience clapping only for them. If you are clapping for a sunset, a promotion at work, or a friend, you are betraying them. You are not clapping for them, and they hate that. So, if you are not doing well with them, they believe you deserve to suffer. They will punish you for having a good day, even picking a fight right before you go to a party just to ruin your mood. They want to make sure that if they are not the reason you are smiling, then nobody else will be either.
The Secret Dying: Narcissists’ Obsession with You
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