They do not need the family to function; they just need it to look intact because it becomes part of their identity, their brand, their public face. They will plan family gatherings just for show, drag people into events they do not want to be part of, and force their kids to take photos and behave a certain way. When no one is watching, they revert to being cold, critical, or outright cruel. The emotional truth inside the house does not matter; the performance outside it does.
If someone in the family stops cooperating, they won’t try to rebuild that relationship. They will replace them in the narrative. Suddenly, there’s a new daughter-like friend, a new supportive partner, a new inner circle they start calling family. The original members are erased, pushed out, or painted in the worst light possible.
It is not just about creating a perfect picture; it is about maintaining the illusion that they are lovable, that they are a provider, and that they are worthy of admiration because look how much their family adores them. Even if, in reality, the family is drowning in silence, fear, and emotional neglect, they will risk their children’s well-being and their spouse’s mental health, as I explained earlier, just to protect that fake storyline and keep outsiders believing that they have it all figured out. Because if that image collapses, they feel exposed, and exposure is death to a narcissist—something they cannot tolerate. They would rather sacrifice everything than admit the truth, and that is what makes this so dangerous.
They do not want a healthy family; they want a flawless one—not in real life, but in other people’s eyes.
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