When you’ve been repeatedly dismissed, manipulated, or punished for asserting yourself, your brain starts to associate effort with failure. Dr. Martin Seligman, the psychologist who coined the term “learned helplessness,” explains that when people repeatedly experience situations where they feel powerless, they stop trying, even when escape is possible.
Over time, you internalize the idea that no matter what you do, the outcome will be the same. This is why you might stay in toxic relationships, tolerate abusive workplaces, or avoid taking risks. You’ve been trained to believe that nothing you do will make a difference. This mindset doesn’t just keep you stuck; it makes you doubt yourself in every aspect of life. Even when new opportunities appear, you might hesitate.
But here’s the truth: that feeling of powerlessness is a lie. It was programmed into you by someone who wanted you to feel weak. Healing begins when you take small steps—setting a boundary, choosing for yourself, or even just challenging the belief that you’re stuck.
Narcissistic abuse doesn’t just hurt your feelings; it’s not just in your head; it’s in your nervous system. But here’s the good news: your brain can heal. Just like it adapted to the chaos, it can rewire itself for peace, confidence, and trust again. It takes time, boundaries, and a lot of self-compassion, but recovery is possible. The moment you start choosing your peace, your truth, and your healing is the moment the damage starts to undo itself. That’s when you finally get your mind and your life back.
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